[ Phoenix at least is polite enough to not be invasive enough to fully look around or comment on anything. He takes his seat and pauses a moment before thinking. ]
Oh, right. You didn't see I got my guitar the other day.
[ Or probably seen his room, but different stories. He rubs the back of his neck. ]
I do still want that, but this is about something different? I developed another blessing and I'm still trying to figure out how it works.
[ He drops his hands back into his lap as he tries to think about it, ]
Um. After that game when I visited Holy Order, I was able to alleviate some cold symptoms? I haven't done or tried too much beyond that, because you know - implications.
Words have something to do with it, but I think I have to be able to really focus and feel for them? Second part, not hard. First part... a problem in bad situations.
[Knowing his one blessing, if he's got to focus while his feelings are in overload, it would be difficult to manage properly.
He's already worried the performances are going to put him in a bad state. And who can even blame him? Forte sure as hell can't. A normal person isn't going to be calm when they watch a bunch of their friends get torn apart and put shoddily back together again.]
I can see why that'd make things hard.
[He's quiet a moment, leaning on his arms over the chair as he thinks. The main problem is helping teach him how to control his own emotions when he's feeling everyone else's. Or at least how to stay calm in a fraught situation despite that. How could they even recreate that though? It isn't like they can just manufacture some trauma or a panic attack in someone else. And no one wants to put someone else or themselves in serious danger for the sake of practice.
Maybe there's... calming techniques? That can be taught? What did that shitty school therapist tell him back when he was in school? He can't remember. He didn't even listen to that clueless quack to begin with.
Still. There's gotta be something. Learning how to calm down even in high stress, emotional situations.
. . . For just a moment he'll shelve that, and lifts a finger up with a wrapped bandaid around it]
This isn't some kind of fucked up performance situation that those shitty producers like to toss us into, but I do have a papercut, and those hurt like a bitch. Especially when playing the guitar.
[ Phoenix ducks his head slightly, more in thought than anything else. He hasn't failed to notice that for him Forte is getting louder in a more normal way. Maybe he should say something, but he thinks it'd just freak him out - Pretending it doesn't exist more than he has to is better. ]
[ He hears, instead, the worries of Forte that mirror his own like an echo. It's why he wants - needs - practice. He can't be useless when it matters most if he wants to help the people he cares about. None of his other blessings are helpful in that. He wants to say that he's become pretty good at becoming a vacuum for his own emotions - but maybe that's not a good thing to just tell someone. ]
[ So, Forte offers instead and he looks up. ]
Please, if you'll trust me.
I think learning in not performance situations is better anyway? Not when I don't know entirely how it works.
Well lucky for you, I practiced this sort of thing before with someone else.
[Since he had needed to learn his own borrowed healing ability.]
We just made small cuts. And look? This first one's already taken care of.
[He's ripping the bandaid off to toss into the little trashcan by his desk. It's nothing crazy but it's long and stings still, especially after being exposed to air again.]
Yeah, I talked a little with Gingham about it last night... I can't imagine them not training on minor wounds? People with similar blessings, I mean.
[ But he watches as Forte moves and it's true, he doesn't see a cut. A good thing probably. Other than the one he now produces, just an annoyance. Something that should be able to be healed by the most marginal of blessings. ]
[ He gets up and moves forward with a nod, swinging his hands out: ]
[ NTS never visit Gem (no). Thankfully, recent memories mean he gets a Lil Latin as a treat. Not much, but. ]
[ He doesn't quite take Forte's hands in his own, but he does cover them. Frowns slightly as he thinks and considers and ??? He doesn't have to concentrate with telepathy, it just happens he doesn't know what he's doing. ]
Sana aliquem. Sana aliquem. Sana -
[ He wants to heal him and he likes Forte, the "magick" comes easier, though the color of blue light (aesthetic) from his hands is very mild as he says the final word: ]
[ He probably should know. Probably. He doesn't yet, he looks sheepish. ]
I watched the last vision we got back last night and I learned a little of it? Actually, I think I knew that one for a while, from when the kid got hurt.
I know what that one means. Essentially anyway it just means to heal this person.
[ Shrugs uncertainly, rubbing at the back of his neck. ]
Last time I just said well-wishing words? I don't think it matters that much, but that one feels right - maybe it's just because it really does feel like a spell.
Wouldn't it be more efficient to just... I don't know. I watch one of my memories, we cut my palm, and then go from there?
My mem-
[He course corrects here.]
I mean, my visions are shitty so you're bound to pick up on that, but it's not like it's anything that'll leave me traumatized.
[Even if the last one kinda sucked a lot. It doesn't have to be that one. Thinking about it is intrusive though.
He pushes down the memory of another boy being shot to death in front of a cheering audience of freaks right beside him, and then how he himself is slammed to the floor and beaten after, before being bound and collared, where he eventually passes out from the head trauma.
[ Phoenix was stepping back instead of awkwardly standing in front of him as he was. To the bed. Forte speaks and the answer immediately comes to his mind. That as good a plan as it was in theory, it was still a shit one. ]
[ He hears the stumble. Feels it in his heart and soul, maybe because he'd felt it himself though he's a few fewer than Forte. Maybe because he and Gray just had the conversation and now the vision from his night just plays in his head, like a constant stream. ]
[ He doesn't get the chance to open his mouth and refute before Forte's mind starts to spiral. He doesn't get the imagery, but his own imagination can play it out for him. He stays there for a long moment before he finds his answer: ]
[It's not like he relishes the idea, but wouldn't it help?]
You're going to be forced into some pretty fucked up situations again and again here until we somehow meet whatever asinine 'end' it is that they want us to reach.
[Whatever the hell that's supposed to be. He still doesn't know.]
At least this would still give you a stressful situation. I know it's shitty but with this method no one is actually getting hurt due to the assholes in charge.
Honestly, that's the closest you'll come to getting real authentic practice in while not in a life threatening situation.
[ The teenager's fingers curl and uncurl by his side. It's not like what Forte says isn't all something he's already thought about. Or hasn't thought about. It has. Ever since WBB. Especially since Never Have I learning Gingham had died but not died. He doesn't want to be useless. He doesn't want to hurt people. ]
[ The part of him that is so tied up into feeling, in the empathy that came as naturally to him as breathing feels and can't feel differently. The logic is there; Forte is not wrong. What had he expected of coming here? ]
[ His mouth is dry. He thinks, for a moment, that practice and study on himself would be preferable. He can handle it if it's himself (it's not). Phoenix swallows something down as he wagers his own feelings and thoughts and pulls them in before answering: ]
I'm not making you relive things that you hate.
[ He says after a moment. ]
And I know why you don't like them. I haven't gotten a single good one, I don't blame you. I don't want you to do that when it's already hard for you.
[His guard raises a little. 'I know why you don't like them'. The uncomfortable knowledge that he cannot really say one way or the other what the visions are gnaws at him. It's easier to push aside- to make it someone else's life and problem.
He sighs heavily, before running a hand through his hair.]
Then I'll look into breathing exercises or something. That can at least ground you some, even if it doesn't remove the problem.
[He'll do some research.]
In the meantime, we can still practice the healing bit.
[ At the very least, Phoenix's answer wasn't because of reading his mind - or maybe partly it was - it was also involved in his own mixed feelings. His curious and investigative nature combatting the fact that not a single one hadn't hurt. ]
I can figure it out. I already spoke to Nana. She said that other than someone with a nullifying blessing the only ones who might be able to help are the Showmaster or Ticketmaster.
[ Which are probably out of the question, but Well what people don't know won't hurt them. ]
People probably get accidentally hurt all the time, right? Or a col?
If you were to go to either of those shifty bastards, I'd trust the Tickermaster waaay over the Showmaster. But even she's using us to her own end.
[At least she's honest. At least she's usually a lot more willing to talk when she can.]
I'm sure people get hurt or struggle with colds all the time. I'm just sayin'... I think you're gonna get a lot more useful practice in while doing it under a bit of duress.
I know; Gray reinforced not to trust anything outside of here earlier.
[ Here being outside of the dorms. Which is weird to think about when they're simply on the boat. ]
[ He makes a face. ] ... I can start this way for now and see what happens. I already have a lot of practice being around high-emotion situations. It might not be that bad.
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Re: day 235, late morning
Oh, right. You didn't see I got my guitar the other day.
[ Or probably seen his room, but different stories. He rubs the back of his neck. ]
I do still want that, but this is about something different? I developed another blessing and I'm still trying to figure out how it works.
Re: day 235, late morning
Seriously?
[Well, that's a surprise. A new one right here on the boat? His curiosity is piqued.]
What is it exactly? Or at least, what have you been able to puzzle out so far?
Re: day 235, late morning
[ He drops his hands back into his lap as he tries to think about it, ]
Um. After that game when I visited Holy Order, I was able to alleviate some cold symptoms? I haven't done or tried too much beyond that, because you know - implications.
Words have something to do with it, but I think I have to be able to really focus and feel for them? Second part, not hard. First part... a problem in bad situations.
Re: day 235, late morning
[Knowing his one blessing, if he's got to focus while his feelings are in overload, it would be difficult to manage properly.
He's already worried the performances are going to put him in a bad state. And who can even blame him? Forte sure as hell can't. A normal person isn't going to be calm when they watch a bunch of their friends get torn apart and put shoddily back together again.]
I can see why that'd make things hard.
[He's quiet a moment, leaning on his arms over the chair as he thinks. The main problem is helping teach him how to control his own emotions when he's feeling everyone else's. Or at least how to stay calm in a fraught situation despite that. How could they even recreate that though? It isn't like they can just manufacture some trauma or a panic attack in someone else. And no one wants to put someone else or themselves in serious danger for the sake of practice.
Maybe there's... calming techniques? That can be taught? What did that shitty school therapist tell him back when he was in school? He can't remember. He didn't even listen to that clueless quack to begin with.
Still. There's gotta be something. Learning how to calm down even in high stress, emotional situations.
. . . For just a moment he'll shelve that, and lifts a finger up with a wrapped bandaid around it]
This isn't some kind of fucked up performance situation that those shitty producers like to toss us into, but I do have a papercut, and those hurt like a bitch. Especially when playing the guitar.
[It interferes with things.]
Wanna try giving it a heal?
Re: day 235, late morning
[ He hears, instead, the worries of Forte that mirror his own like an echo. It's why he wants - needs - practice. He can't be useless when it matters most if he wants to help the people he cares about. None of his other blessings are helpful in that. He wants to say that he's become pretty good at becoming a vacuum for his own emotions - but maybe that's not a good thing to just tell someone. ]
[ So, Forte offers instead and he looks up. ]
Please, if you'll trust me.
I think learning in not performance situations is better anyway? Not when I don't know entirely how it works.
Re: day 235, late morning
[Since he had needed to learn his own borrowed healing ability.]
We just made small cuts. And look? This first one's already taken care of.
[He's ripping the bandaid off to toss into the little trashcan by his desk. It's nothing crazy but it's long and stings still, especially after being exposed to air again.]
Re: day 235, late morning
[ But he watches as Forte moves and it's true, he doesn't see a cut. A good thing probably. Other than the one he now produces, just an annoyance. Something that should be able to be healed by the most marginal of blessings. ]
[ He gets up and moves forward with a nod, swinging his hands out: ]
May I?
Re: day 235, late morning
[He lifts his hand palm side up into Phoenix's. There isn't a sense of worry. He might hate visiting the real doctor, but magical healings are a-ok.
. . . Except maybe Gem's.]
Re: day 235, late morning
[ He doesn't quite take Forte's hands in his own, but he does cover them. Frowns slightly as he thinks and considers and ??? He doesn't have to concentrate with telepathy, it just happens he doesn't know what he's doing. ]
Sana aliquem. Sana aliquem. Sana -
[ He wants to heal him and he likes Forte, the "magick" comes easier, though the color of blue light (aesthetic) from his hands is very mild as he says the final word: ]
aliquem.
[ And, like that, it fades away. ]
Re: day 235, late morning
. . . What kind of foreign language was that?
Re: day 235, late morning
[ He probably should know. Probably. He doesn't yet, he looks sheepish. ]
I watched the last vision we got back last night and I learned a little of it? Actually, I think I knew that one for a while, from when the kid got hurt.
Re: day 235, late morning
Re: day 235, late morning
[ Shrugs uncertainly, rubbing at the back of his neck. ]
Last time I just said well-wishing words? I don't think it matters that much, but that one feels right - maybe it's just because it really does feel like a spell.
Re: day 235, late morning
Re: day 235, late morning
It was just a paper cut. I'd have more trouble if you weren't being so calm about everything.
Re: day 235, late morning
Re: day 235, late morning
We can make a come get checked up on by some teenager for free clinic, lab rat for blessing practice.
Re: day 235, late morning
My mem-
[He course corrects here.]
I mean, my visions are shitty so you're bound to pick up on that, but it's not like it's anything that'll leave me traumatized.
[Even if the last one kinda sucked a lot. It doesn't have to be that one. Thinking about it is intrusive though.
He pushes down the memory of another boy being shot to death in front of a cheering audience of freaks right beside him, and then how he himself is slammed to the floor and beaten after, before being bound and collared, where he eventually passes out from the head trauma.
. . .
God. He just said it didn't have to be that one.]
Re: day 235, late morning
[ He hears the stumble. Feels it in his heart and soul, maybe because he'd felt it himself though he's a few fewer than Forte. Maybe because he and Gray just had the conversation and now the vision from his night just plays in his head, like a constant stream. ]
[ He doesn't get the chance to open his mouth and refute before Forte's mind starts to spiral. He doesn't get the imagery, but his own imagination can play it out for him. He stays there for a long moment before he finds his answer: ]
We're not doing that. It's not worth it.
Re: day 235, late morning
[It's not like he relishes the idea, but wouldn't it help?]
You're going to be forced into some pretty fucked up situations again and again here until we somehow meet whatever asinine 'end' it is that they want us to reach.
[Whatever the hell that's supposed to be. He still doesn't know.]
At least this would still give you a stressful situation. I know it's shitty but with this method no one is actually getting hurt due to the assholes in charge.
Honestly, that's the closest you'll come to getting real authentic practice in while not in a life threatening situation.
Re: day 235, late morning
[ The part of him that is so tied up into feeling, in the empathy that came as naturally to him as breathing feels and can't feel differently. The logic is there; Forte is not wrong. What had he expected of coming here? ]
[ His mouth is dry. He thinks, for a moment, that practice and study on himself would be preferable. He can handle it if it's himself (it's not). Phoenix swallows something down as he wagers his own feelings and thoughts and pulls them in before answering: ]
I'm not making you relive things that you hate.
[ He says after a moment. ]
And I know why you don't like them. I haven't gotten a single good one, I don't blame you. I don't want you to do that when it's already hard for you.
I can figure something else out.
Re: day 235, late morning
He sighs heavily, before running a hand through his hair.]
Then I'll look into breathing exercises or something. That can at least ground you some, even if it doesn't remove the problem.
[He'll do some research.]
In the meantime, we can still practice the healing bit.
Re: day 235, late morning
I can figure it out. I already spoke to Nana. She said that other than someone with a nullifying blessing the only ones who might be able to help are the Showmaster or Ticketmaster.
[ Which are probably out of the question, but Well what people don't know won't hurt them. ]
People probably get accidentally hurt all the time, right? Or a col?
Re: day 235, late morning
[At least she's honest. At least she's usually a lot more willing to talk when she can.]
I'm sure people get hurt or struggle with colds all the time. I'm just sayin'... I think you're gonna get a lot more useful practice in while doing it under a bit of duress.
. . . As shitty as that is.
Re: day 235, late morning
[ Here being outside of the dorms. Which is weird to think about when they're simply on the boat. ]
[ He makes a face. ] ... I can start this way for now and see what happens. I already have a lot of practice being around high-emotion situations. It might not be that bad.
Re: day 235, late morning
Re: day 235, late morning
Re: day 235, late morning